For many days now, I have been sitting in Copenhagen City Court with a room full of journalists all hoping to find out what really happened inside the Nautilus.
We have listened to the very uncomfortable and bizarre details of this case and of what the prosecution argued happened to Kim Wall - that she was tied up, tortured and murdered by Peter Madsen in the submarine.
And we heard Madsen's own story of how Ms Wall died in an accident, after which he panicked and dismembered her.
Either way, it is terrible.
I have watched Madsen as he sat in court day after day, in the beginning telling his story vividly, while wearing prison sweatpants and a black t-shirt.
On the first day of the trial, Madsen seemed relaxed, sitting with his hands folded and his legs dangling.
Madsen snapped at prosecutor Jakob Buch Jepsen when asked whether he sexually assaulted the body of Ms Wall after her death: "No, but I worry about you when you ask me questions like that."
He had started out by saying: "What I will tell you today is a grim story that I did not want to tell anyone ever."
After that he continued to tell the story of how Ms Wall had become trapped in the submarine and died from an accident.
On the second day, Madsen started talking about himself in the third person when he was asked about the financing of Nautilus, before adding: "I am sorry for talking about myself in third person."
He also made references to the films Das Boot and Seven.
He looked less relaxed as the trial went on, sitting on his hands, bending slightly forward, with his feet still crossed under the table.
He changed his look to jeans and a blazer, maybe at his lawyer's request, and also acquired a look I interpreted as boredom.
He sat, sometimes whispering to his lawyer. It looked like he was either drawing or writing on a piece of paper.
Feeling sick to my stomach has become normal during these 12 days of the trial.
Members of the court and the press have seen animated films of naked women being decapitated or impaled with spears found on Madsen's computers and hard drives.
The court even saw a video of what the prosecution believes is a real woman having her throat slit. The press did not see it, but the sound was more than enough.
The medical evidence in this case is not for the fainthearted. These things should not happen to anyone at all and it makes me so sad to think that this woman was most likely just incredibly unlucky.
As I was live-blogging from court, I thought more than one time if what I heard was too much to pass on. A few times it was.
I have had conflicting emotions throughout this trial but one feeling that stuck with me is that of immense sadness. And that I wished I would never have had to cover this. That it never happened.
As for Madsen's last words in court, they were: "I am very, very sorry."
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